The Relationship Cure

Synopsis: #

A book that provides a framework for a single unit of emotional connection “the bid”. Also, how to navigate a better life of emotional connection by using that framework in practical, no-fluff examples.

Topics: #

  • How We Connect Emotionally
  • Look at Your Bids for Connection
  • Six Bid Busters and How to Avoid Them
  • Discover Your Brian’s Emotional Command Systems
  • Examine How Your Emotional Heritage sets your style of bidding and therefore your ability to connect.
  • Growth your ability to bid and respond to bids intentionally
  • Apply / Practice ideas What You’ve Learned

Surprising Thoughts: #

How we Connect Emotionally #

  • A “bid” is a single unit measure of emotional connection.

  • Examples of a bid:

    “Are you busy tonight?”

    “Can you get me a drink?”

    “Do you mind if I sit here?”

  • Relationships are built through a history of accepted bids over time.

  • A negative response to a bid communicates no opportunity for emotional connection.

  • Research indicates that re-bid (a second bid from the same bidder) after an initial bid is rejected is close to 0% for strangers.

  • Bids grow in intensity and frequency as a relationship grows and deepens.

  • What is bidding for? For connection. No matter how shallow. Or purely functional. Everyone bids for something.

  • What are the common responses to a bid? Turn Toward, Turn Against, or Turn Away.

  • Responses:

    Turn Toward = react positively, respond with focused attention on the bidder, ask responsive question, etc.

    Turn Against = react negatively, respond with sarcasm or ridicule, become argumentative or “being realistic” etc.

    Turn Away = non-reaction, respond with ignorance of the bid or by acting preoccupied.

  • Consistent patterns of turning against or turning away among romantic partners leads to elevates occurences of divorce or at least consistent decrease in relationship happiness.

  • In normal and stable marriages, an occurences of turning against or turning away can causes spouses to re-bid as infrequently as 20% of the time.

  • In marriages headed for divorce, re-bid occurences are nearly as low as between strangers (approaches 0%).

Look at Your Bids for Connection #