A book that provides a framework for a single unit of emotional connection “the bid”. Also, how to navigate a better life of emotional connection by using that framework in practical, no-fluff examples.
- How We Connect Emotionally
- Look at Your Bids for Connection
- Six Bid Busters and How to Avoid Them
- Discover Your Brian’s Emotional Command Systems
- Examine How Your Emotional Heritage sets your style of bidding and therefore your ability to connect.
- Growth your ability to bid and respond to bids intentionally
- Apply / Practice ideas What You’ve Learned
Surprising Thoughts: #
How we Connect Emotionally #
A “bid” is a single unit measure of emotional connection.
Examples of a bid:
“Are you busy tonight?”
“Can you get me a drink?”
“Do you mind if I sit here?”
Relationships are built through a history of accepted bids over time.
A negative response to a bid communicates no opportunity for emotional connection.
Research indicates that re-bid (a second bid from the same bidder) after an initial bid is rejected is close to 0% for strangers.
Bids grow in intensity and frequency as a relationship grows and deepens.
What is bidding for? For connection. No matter how shallow. Or purely functional. Everyone bids for something.
What are the common responses to a bid? Turn Toward, Turn Against, or Turn Away.
Turn Toward = react positively, respond with focused attention on the bidder, ask responsive question, etc.
Turn Against = react negatively, respond with sarcasm or ridicule, become argumentative or “being realistic” etc.
Turn Away = non-reaction, respond with ignorance of the bid or by acting preoccupied.
Consistent patterns of turning against or turning away among romantic partners leads to elevates occurences of divorce or at least consistent decrease in relationship happiness.
In normal and stable marriages, an occurences of turning against or turning away can causes spouses to re-bid as infrequently as 20% of the time.
In marriages headed for divorce, re-bid occurences are nearly as low as between strangers (approaches 0%).